Too Tired to Hold Back Tears

Lately, I have been so exhausted that tears suddenly well up when I get home. Back when I was working in Japan, I never really experienced extremely demanding jobs, yet I must have been under a fair amount of stress because I used to cry quite often.

Since moving to Canada, my stress levels have dropped significantly compared to when I was working in Japan, and I have almost stopped crying altogether. However, there are still a few times a year when things get busy, and I find myself so exhausted that I end up crying.

Especially in the past month, I have been going through things in my personal life that I have never experienced before, on top of being busy with work. My body is definitely feeling the stress.

When I get overwhelmed or overly fatigued, I tend to become emotionally unstable and cry easily. But honestly, I actually find this physiological reaction quite useful. For me, crying due to stress is not something I do intentionally—it’s more like laughing so hard that you accidentally pee a little.

In the past, I used to hold back my tears with all my might because I hated the idea of people thinking, “Come on, you’re an adult. Don’t cry at work.” or “She thinks she can get away with crying just because she’s a woman.” But now, I could not care less about that.

In fact, I think crying is a pretty convenient way to signal to those around me, “Hey, I’m at my limit here.”

Instead of bottling everything up and going bald from stress, overeating and gaining weight, or, in extreme cases, harming myself or others, all I have to do is cry. By shedding tears, I can send out an SOS to those around me, become aware of my own stress, and even release cortisol—the stress hormone—helping me to relieve some of that tension. What a beautifully peaceful coping mechanism this is… 🕊️